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The Priests' Guild

The Priests' Guild is centred, if it can be said to have a centre, in the temple quarter in Ankh-Morpork. Each god, however, has its own temple with the more popular gods having temples and shrines in many towns and villages.

Priests may worship one of the following deities:

Fish, God of Sea Creatures

Fish, God of Sea Creatures, is primarily concerned with the propagation of sea life. Avid hunters, His priests are often a salty lot, and rough around the edges to say the least. Worshippers of Fish generally share a love of seafood as well as a practical interest in conservation so that hunting will always be a possibility. Fish's primary commandment is: Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's haddock, unless he covets thy haddock, in which case thou shalt take his haddock and smite him mightily with it, and then thou shalt eat both the haddocks to dispose of all evidence.

He only wants worshippers who are between "neutral" and "evil".

Gapp, God of Fine Clothing

Often considered an elitist, Gapp and His priests make a point of being the best-dressed at any public function. The sense of style of His worshippers is as unquestionable as it is changeable, with new fashions tearing through His temples on a weekly basis. Gapp is a god who believes He is the best, and He knows how to dress properly for the position. The most important of Gapp's commandments include: Thou shalt not go forth unclothed like the lesser beasts, unless My High Priest doth send you forth thus on My behalf, for infractions against My church such as over-dressing when in the presence of one holier than thou.

He only wants worshippers who are between "quite good" and "neutral".

Gufnork, God of Fluff

As the God of Fluff, Gufnork and His priests enjoy an insulated life spent in meditation upon the softer aspects of life. Usually stereotyped as intellectuals with little care for worldly matters, followers of Gufnork have developed a reputation for standoffishness. Worshippers of Him often seek to improve the lives of others, so that more people will have the leisure and inclination to contemplate the glory of Gufnork. Gufnork's most important commandment is: Take My fluff throughout the world, and wherever the fluff be lacking, there spread My fluff thickest so that all may experience My fluff and sleep more comfortably upon it.

He only wants worshippers who are between "quite good" and "neutral".

Hat, Vulture-Headed God of Unexpected Guests

As the God of Unexpected Guests, Hat and His priests are renowned for their erratic behaviour and unpredictability. His worshippers have a penchant for parties, especially if they involve hiding behind furniture then leaping out to shout 'Surprise!' Generally free spirited, the followers of Hat frequently express their piety by travelling to new places, meeting new people, and engaging in new experiences. In keeping with his vulture-like nature, Hat can spot a good party, opportunity for mischief, or tasty corpse from miles away. Among Hat's most valued commandments is: Surprise them, before they surprise thee, lest I visit upon thee a bigger surprise that thou shalt not like in the least for failing in thy duty to Me.

He only wants worshippers who are between "neutral" and "quite evil".

Pishe, Goddess of Slight Showers

The goddess Pishe is focused upon growth and regeneration. Her slight showers are ideal for the proliferation of plants, which in turn nurture animals and people. Her priests and priestesses often live peaceful lives, devoted to the protection of the living things which Pishe loves so dearly. She is generally viewed as the matron of healers, herbalists, and anyone else that shares Her love of growth. The commandments of Pishe include: Be the vessel through which My showers of mercy rain down upon all of those in need, whether they ask it or not, for in bringing My mercy unto them, thou bringest thyself unto Me.

She only wants worshippers who are between "as good as you can get" and "barely good".

Sandelfon, God of Corridors

As the God of Corridors, Sandelfon and His followers are most at home in the large buildings where the powerful gather to orchestrate the lives of others. Dedicated to the careful balancing of things (often in their own favour), they frequently engage in complicated political manoeuvres to achieve their view of acceptable balance. Sandelfon is often worshipped by politicians, lawyers, bureaucrats, and administrators, whether their intentions be selfless or not. Sandelfon's primary commandment is: If, in the greater or lesser scheme of things, thou or someone else doth see, or hear of, or think of a way in which a government, restaurant, organisation, or other undefined entity might be better managed and organized, thou, and whoever else is a worshipper unto Me, shall do their best to seek to improve the aforesaid government, restaurant, organisation, or other undefined entity, or petition to seek to improve the aforementioned if direct improvement is not possible or practical, and then thou shalt be among the most beloved of My children, unless sufficient other parties have completed such a task in a superior manner.

He only wants worshippers who are between "barely good" and "barely evil".

Sek, Seven-Handed

Sek is a God who knows what He wants and His seven hands are ideal for getting ahold of it. His followers usually share His drive for self-gratification and tend to enjoy doing whatever is necessary to take what they desire from someone else. Imbued with a natural sense of cruelty, Sek's worshippers frequently inflict misery upon others as a preferred method of showing their commitment to Him. The primary commandment of Sek is: Increase My glory by taking power for thyself from those who are less deserving of it, for the more power thou bringest unto Me, the more power I shall bestow unto thee, and thou shalt remain forever My most prized of servants.

He only wants worshippers who are between "barely evil" and "as evil as you can get".

The Priests' Guild has the following as primary skills:

Members of the Priests' Guild receive some or all of the following commands: